Stop Being A Shy Guy!

Do Not Get Trapped In The Friend Zone!

The sad truth is this:

When it comes to first impressions most guys listen to the little voice inside their heads to guide them on how to approach a girl.

Do you know who that little voice is?

Well for most guys that little voice is the years of advice that their mommy fed them as they grew up; advice on how to approach and treat a girl when you first meet up. And it probably sounds like this:

“Be nice and polite. Don’t be rude and always be perfect gentlemen!”

Now as guys, we take this advice and run with it! We try and be all that and a bag of chips!

And that’s when we commit the fatal 5 sins that GUARANTEE that we end up in the friend zone!

*Read my other article to see what these 5 sins are… chances are you are committing them right now*

But as a general rule take everything your dear sweet mommy told you about making a great first impression and do pretty much THE EXACT OPPOSITE!

Now, most guys mess up their first impressions with girls by failing to have these 4 gems in their arsenal.

Believe me when I say that with these 4 gems, on how to approach a girl, are guarantee to have the girl longing for more of you.

Don’t believe me?

Well just a couple of weeks ago, I used them to get the number of a really cute flight attendant after less than 10 minutes of conversation… and she commented on how she couldn’t believe she was actually giving out her number!

1. Shock Factor

There are basically two parts to achieving the desired shock factor that creates attraction:

• Be Bold And Daring in your speech

Be willing to be outrageous and even sometimes border-line improper when you first meet up with her.

Just don’t cross that line and end up being foul, as you will not only appear uneducated but also probably turn insult her and thus turn her off.

Sometimes even the wrong thing said can become the right thing to say as long as you are confident, calm and charming as you say it!

• Challenge her

Don’t be afraid of calling her out on her crap or just simply challenging her points of view.

The trick is to do it a manner that encourages her to try and defend her stand without making it feel too serious or too confrontational.

By challenging her, you show her that you have a back bone and your aim is not too suck up too her until she some how magically notices you!

FACT: Very few beautiful girls have they views challenged.

How special do you look for doing so?

2. Humor

If you can make a girl laugh you are already half way in the door to her mind. But be warned that girls DO NOT date clowns!

Now the trick is to be funny without looking like a clown in her eyes!

So how do you do that?

Use corky humor: This is the only humor that not only makes a girl laugh but also creates the right kind of attraction that you are looking for.

Corky humor is multi-leveled as it accomplishes a lot of things at the same time.

When you use corky humor you are not only funny but witty as well. This wit can be playful, in the sense that you tease her in the process. This communicates a playful nature as a well confidence.

Anyway the bare fact remains that regardless of how you look at it corky humor is GOLD!

“Warning: You can’t successfully achieve corky humor without the next little gem!”

3. Confidence

This is without a doubt the MOST IMPORTANT gem a guy needs to be a success in any girl he likes.

Why?

Simply because confidence is attractive to girls… pride isn’t, but confidence is!

Also only with confidence will you truly be able to boldly and correctly implement, any social techniques you attempt.

Social interaction techniques used in a shy manner will NOT work even though you technically did everything right.

The problem is that confidence isn’t just a verbal attribute but also a physical attribute.

Studies have shown that only about 30% of all communication is verbal; the other 70% is all non-verbal communication.

So when it comes to confidence you not only have to sound confident but also appear confident; and this means having the right Body Language to not only create confidence but also communicate confidence!

*Read my other articles to learn more on how to use body language to create and communicate Self Confidence*

4. A Relaxed State Of Mind And Body

Once you learn the right body language to create and communicate your new found confidence then you enter this next phase.

Now once you are in a relaxed state of mind and body, you become what is known as charming.

You will naturally feel your body relax, the tone of your voice smoothen out, your speech become more relaxed and your mind will stop racing.

When you are in this relaxed state, your mind and body seems to go into automatic and you stop having to work at push the conversation onwards!

The words literally seem to come out of your mouth without any stress and with little effort.

You will find yourself genuinely smiling more often and the muscles on you face seem to relax.

Now this, my friend, is where you DEFINITELY want to end up.

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Are You This Guy?

1. “You Know What, You Are Like A Brother To Me.”

If you ever hear this words then go jump of the roof because you are the king of the friend zone!

However on a serious note if you really do ever hear these words then you really do have a problem here… You aim was a relationship and ended up not only getting into the friend zone but in fact getting in so deep that you became a brother.

My advice to you is to please, for your sake, read my other article on why guyz get into the friend zone, so that you can figure out what you are doing so wrong!

2. She Regularly Finds It Appropriate To Talk About Other Guyz To You.

Note that in this case she is not trying to playfully get under your skin…

No, in this scenario, she constantly comes to you to complain her mixed feelings for other guyz, or even worse, discussing her current relationships with you!!

If you are in this deep, give up being anything more than a booty call.

Let me explain…

When you reach a point where she is comfortable enough to talk to you about guyz she likes then in her mind you will never be one of those guyz!

Meaning that she will never feel emotionally attached to you in that way and that’s why, unfortunately, you would be the ideal sex buddy as there would be no emotional attachment to complicate the physical nature of such an arrangement.

3. “I Love The Way I am Not Afraid To Tell You Anything.”

Except for a few select situations this is generally a warning sign that you are in “Friend Zone” territory.

Why?

Because as a general rule of most gurls shy away from revealing EVERYTHING to a guy they like… they usually wait a little bit into a relationship before they feel completely at ease to start revealing their deepest darkest secrets.

So if you have become her human diary and you aren’t even going out with her then look around my friend because you are firmly in the Friend Zone!

4. She Gets Into A Relationship With Someone Other Than You.

This is a no brainier!

If you have been spitting your best vibe at the young lady for a while now and one day she up and gets into a relationship with another guy then you are, without a doubt, in her friend zone.

5. “I Think It Is Best If We Just Remain Friends.”

If a gurl ever tells you this, in response to one of your advances then the friend zone is where you are at.

The translation to this statement is simple:

“Hold your horses there. You are already in my friend zone and that’s why I can’t even imagine going out with you. So save yourself the trouble and go back to my friend zone where you belong.”

Yes, it is a bit of a harsh translation but it is true none-the-less!

6. No Physical Tension

The desire to want to touch each other is a positive sign for intimate compatibility.

So if there is absolutely no physical tension between the two of you then you really are deep in the friend zone.

If a gurl can not think of you in a physical way then you have no chance of getting together with her. In case, you are just like a brother to her.

What is “physical tension”?

Simply put, if there in no physical attraction between you to when you are together then it isn’t there.

Now this physical tension is not a one person dance and thus true tension is only apparent when both you and the gurl are both physically attracted to each other.

One of the best ways of notice this attraction in the gurl is by learning how to read her Body Language.

7. “I Would Like Us To Be Good Friends Before We Think Of The Next Step.”

Translation:

“You are only fit to be in my friend zone and no more! Hopefully if you stay there long enough you will wizen up to the fact that you and I cannot be more than just friends!”

8. No Flirtatious Conversations

Now while flirting is said to be innocent, it is not necessarily the case.

In most instances, people flirt with those they are attracted to or in the very least those we have the potential to be attracted to on one level or another.

So this is why so many gurls who are not used to truly innocent, playful flirting actually end up believing that any guy that flirts with them is genuinely into them.

Trust me, I know this from tons of experience!

But getting back on topic, gurls generally use flirting to fuel the flame that is the cat and mouse game, the hunter-prey dance that most couples start of in.

Therefore flirting is used as a tool by most gurls to entice, tease and encourage the guys she likes to chase after her.

So if she isn’t flirting with you then there is a pretty good chance that you are in the friend zone… after all gurls never flirt with their brotherJ

9. “I just love having a guy as a best friend. (when said in reference to you)”

Now this is not always a bad thing, as in some rare occasions gurls actually end up going out with their best friends.

However in most cases when you make her best friends list and you aren’t going out together then you have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever coming out of the friend zone and getting into an intimate relationship with the gurl.

Why?

Once again its simply because to be her best friend and not be in a relationship with her then it means that you definitely in the friend zone.

10. “I Don’t Want To Risk Loosing You As A Friend.”

The statement itself says it all doesn’t itJ

The friend zone is where you are at and where you will remain for the foreseeable long term future.

The trick to master is how to get to know her well without ever nearing the friend zone.

It takes practice but it really isn’t that hard to do once to master what to do and more importantly, what not to do.

Read my article on “why guys enter the friend zone” to figure out what you are doing wrong.

So subscribe to my newsletter to get free access to articles like this and more that will teach you to be an Alpha Male.

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Keep Telling Yourself It Is Better Than Nothing!

These are the 5 top sins that guys perform when interacting with girls and are the core reasons that so many of us find ourselves in the friend zone.

If you have had any experience of being in the friend zone then you will DEFINITELY recognize one or more of these faults in your social armor.

So here they are, the 5 shortcuts to the Friend Zone:

1. Be Clingy

“Absence Make The Heart Grow Fond”

A girl will never miss you if you are always there for her when she needs you and even when she doesn’t!

Most guys have the misconception that being clingy, that is ever present, for the girl you like then you magically open up her eyes to seeing that you are the one guy who will always be there for her and thus resulting in a relationship.

Sounds pretty sound logic doesn’t it?

Well rational thought and the ways of the heart are not on the same page.

So although that line of thought makes sense, in real life, it really doesn’t work out for the best.

Why?

Simply because your being clingy sends the message that she is your number one focus and that your life sought of revolves around her.

Believe it or not, but this is the WRONG message to send a girl because girls like a guy that has his own life going on, a guy who has a focus other than her, goals other than just pleasing her and a guy with a backbone.

Simply put clingy = dependent!

She wants you to be independent! So take some time away from her, be mysteriously aloof every now and then.

Let her want you attention, let her strive to gain it all!

2. Be Overly Nice And Polite

“Nice guys do finish last!”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am NOT saying that you go out there and be an ass!

No, what I mean is that when you try to be the “Perfect Gentleman” you send out the wrong message, and the message is this:

· I am trying too hard to gain your attention and approval

· I am definitely whipped

· I have no personality of my own and that’s why I am trying to gain your interest and attention with fake acts of politeness and niceness.

· I really don’t know anything about socializing with girls.

So unless you are a royalty or a direct descendant of royalty and you have the accent, finances and wardrobe to march then please don’t try the “Perfect Gentleman” persona as a means to get with a girl.

I know that mummy always said that you need to be nice to the girls and always be polite and a gentleman to girls but as a general rule to avoid the friend zone:

“Listen To Everything Mum Told You About How To Treat A Girl And Do The Exact Opposite!!!”

Read my article on how to be a little bit of an ass to her and why she will love you for it.

3. Gossip With Her

DO NOT engage in mindless gossip… PERIOD!

Few things make a guy look worse than him being a gossip. It presents the image that you have nothing better to do than to dwell on the lives of others.

Also gossip is usually associated with girls, so a guy gossiping presents a feminine image that you really do not want to have unless you want the girl of your dreams thinking of you as one of the girls!!

4. Being The Wrong Kind Of Funny

When girls say that they want a guy with a good sense of humor a lot of guys misunderstand what kind of humor she means.

Please note that although most girls like “funny guys”, I am still yet to a girl that loves clowns!

The kind of humor that girls actually like is a playful and sensual form of humor called “Corky humor”.

Don’t believe me?

Then go out, buy a joke book, memorize some jokes and try and impress a girl… no scratch that… try and just hold her attention with those jokes and see how far you go with thatJ

So why does Corky Humor work?

Simply because it exhumes a ton of confidence while at the same time building physical and emotional tension between the two of you. In other words, it leaves her thinking of you.

Now for more on corky humor check out my other articles on the matter.

5. Always Say Yes

The word “No” in the eyes of girls holds more water than the word “Yes”.

Too many guys try to suck up to girls by being super nice to them and being “Yes Men”.

Therefore it sends a powerful message when you are able to tell a pretty girl “No” to a request of hers that she would otherwise expect an obvious “Yes”.

It tells her that you are able to say no to her and thus you are your own man and girls love strong independent guys.

So learn to say no to her if you want her respect… otherwise he only place you will find yourself her “Friend Zone”.

Ending Note:

Some girls are actually looking for some of these qualities in guys. However the resultant relationships are almost always short term and destined to fall.

Why?

Because in the resultant relationships the girl is the man in the relationship and ultimately, all girls want a real man for a real meaningful relationship!

So unless you love being in a whipped relationship then please avoid this five No-No like the PLAGUE!

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Do You Hear Voices In Your Head?

Can you hear your inner voice?

How often do you listen to you listen do the little voice in your head?

What does the little voice usually advice you towards – confidence or fear?

Why does your inner voice sway towards confidence or fear?

Do you consciously have control over your inner voice?

Sounds like a weird set of questions but the benefits to your personal confidence by answering them correctly can be humongous!

Your inner voice is always there and is constantly talking to you. The inner voice that I speak of is You. The inner voice is your subconscious.

It influences and most times even decides on the course of action that you take in most situations. Sounds kind of scary but the truth is that in most daily situations we really have little to no conscious control of the decisions we make.

Think about it…

We naturally train our minds to make most mental decisions quickly and without much thought. What we are actually training is our subconscious. We are constantly training our subconscious to make most of our daily decisions for us.

Now the sad thing is that our inner voices are subject to more outer influences than inner! What that means is that a lot of conditioning of our inner voice is made by the world around us and not by us ourselves! And this is where these 5 questions take effect!

Now these 5 questions alone will allow you to go from zero to hero in the most important place, IN YOUR OWN MIND!

So let’s look at each question:

1. Can I Hear My Inner Voice?

Believe it or not, it is very possible to hear your inner voice!

Believe it or not, hearing your inner voice is as easy as pausing a moment before making a decision!

Believe it or not, analyzing your train of thought after pausing is the best way to hear your inner voice and it is the first step to learning to control it.

2. How Often Do I listen To My Inner Voice?

The best time to listen to your inner voice is when you are in a heightened emotional state.

Although you can listen to your inner voice anytime, it is loudest under moments of distress or high activity! And the truth is that your really don’t have to take control of your subconscious in all cases.

However training yourself to occasionally listen to your inner voice allows you to constantly keep track of the state of your mindset and the conscious influences that you feed it.

3. What Does My Voice Usually Advice Me Towards Confidence/Fear?

Now the reason you are learning to listen to your inner voice is not so you can say that you hear voices in your head! No, the reason for learning to listen to you subconscious self is so that you can first learn to identify whether you are feeding yourself confidence or fear and doubt!

Simple truth is that your subconscious mindset dictates your conscious way of living.

So if under duress or stress full situations your subconscious mind keeps feeding negativity, doubt and fear into your mind, then your conscious actions will be along the same lines of doubt and fear.

Whereas a positive and confident subconscious thinking will beget conscious actions that are confident and full of positivity, in short, you will be a more confident and positive person!

4. Why does my inner voice sway towards confidence/fear?

When your inner voice naturally feeds confidence and positivity to your mind it is a great sign that you have high self esteem and are very confident in yourself. Whereas a fearful and doubtful inner voice is a sign of low self esteem, a serious lack of self confidence and a very negative outlook on life!

5. Do I Consciously Have Control Over My Inner Voice?

Controlling your inner voice is not brain surgery and is not as difficult as it sounds. It is actually more of conditioning than anything else!

The thing you must realize is that humans are beasts of habit and just about everything we do normally we do out of habit. And this is what makes conditioning of your mindset very possible!

In a nutshell, there are three ways of accomplishing the desired confident and positive mindset and both ways MUST go hand in hand:

· The first way is all about adopting the right kind of habits that create positivity and confidence in your every day life and sticking to those actions long enough for your mind to think it normal and natural to keep to this actions and the habit is born. And so, the confidence and positivity of those habits will become a part of your everyday life.

· The second way is learning to personally feed your mind positivity by becoming your own personal cheerleader. Whenever you hear your inner voice being negative, say no to that way of thinking and feed positive and confident thoughts to yourself.

Purpose to act in a positive and confident manner in all situations and keep telling yourself that this is who you are and before long this way of thinking will indeed become natural for you!

· The third way of gaining a confident and positive inner voice is changing your flock.

Now chances are that your speech will betray the true nature of your mindset. If all you tend to talk about are complaints and fears about everything then you have a fearful and doubtful mindset, and you probably are not the best company to be around.

The old saying that birds of a feather flock together is all so true! Therefore change your current company and start hanging around with positive natured people!

Just by hanging around positive people you will gradually adopt their way of thinking and with time it will feel unnatural to speak of negativity and fear!

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5 Elements Of Great Conversation!

Have you ever wondered what it takes to hold a great conversation?

Well I always did but for the life of me, I could never wrap my mind around what made the difference between a great conversation and a bad conversation.

The problem was that I was trying to achieve a goal that I had never defined. Sought of like chasing after a rainbow, with your eyes closed!

You see what I mean?…

So the priceless lesson that I learnt was that a goal undefined is nothing more than a dream!

Therefore in order to figure out what would make the difference in creating great conversations, I had to define what a great conversation was to me and to the other person.

Now it goes without saying that my initial definition of a great conversation was not very vivid, even though I tried to make it so, however over the years, with experience behind me, I have finally narrowed the definition of a great conversation to 5 key elements.

So the 5 elements of a great conversation are:

1. Ease

Interestingly enough the amount of mental thought that we put into a conversation is mostly inversely productive to the quality of conversation.

What does that mean?

Simply put, it means that we tend to put too much thought into what we are saying, how we are saying it and what we are going to say next and all this does is create worry within us and thus defeating your CONFIDENCE.

My guess is that these worries sound all too familiar to you, as they also did for me!

Now what holds most people back from great conversation is a lack of CONFIDENCE, pure and simple!

The multitude of questions that have you worried about hold conversations are simply warning signs of your lack of self confidence. It is a hard truth but a truth none the less.

So when you cultivate a level of self confidence to hold conversations without the worry of what is next then you will finally have this element of great conversations mastered.

Remember: “Great conversationalists are able to hold conversations in a confident manner that seems almost effortless!”

So do not let your mind worry you into bad conversation. Rather than worry, train yourself to accept that great conversations always have an element of fluidity!

2. Fluidity

“Great conversations should not be hard work to keep going!”

If you ever feel like a conversation is taking too much energy to keep alive, then do yourself a favor and stop trying! Let me explain.

Now have you ever noticed how natural conversationalists are never afraid of what you would call an awkward silence/pause in conversation?

While on the other hand, most people hate awkward silences and feel the unexplained urge/need to fill it up with a anything that comes to mind, which often ends up being the worst thing to do!

Natural conversationalists take the ebb and flow of conversation in stride and never fulfill their human desire to try too hard to make the conversation last longer than it needs to.

So one of the most important things to learn is how to be comfortable when there is a pause in conversation.

If there is a silence in conversation then enjoy the silence, relax, or just take it as a hint that maybe you need to politely end the interaction for now.

Besides who ever said that a great conversation needs to be long?…

Short conversations can be just as great as longer conversations. The last thing you want is to be caught in a long winded dry conversation, especially when you are the one forcing it on!

So remember silence should never be considered a bad thing! It is just a part of the ups and downs of conversations.

The ability to be relaxed during a silent period communicates volumes in terms of confidence to the other person.

Trying too hard to force conversation will have the adverse effect of creating the interview scenario, where you find yourself constantly asking question to try and keep things going, only to get the classic one or two word responses that force you to try and think of something else.

3. Fun

So when you are CONFIDENT enough in yourself so that you are not thinking too much about the conversation or worrying about it or forcing the course of the conversation onwards then you will realize that you start having fun!

You will genuinely begin to enjoy conversing with the multitude of people you interact with and that positive enjoy forces a reciprocating feeling from everyone else.

However this depends on the content of the speech. It is hard to have a fun conversation when the topic of conversation is a death in the family.

So this is where the fourth element of a great conversation comes into effect, Meaning!

4. Meaning

Great conversations need to be meaningful.

So what does it mean to have a meaning in a conversation? It simply means that there needs to be a sense of mutual sharing of oneself in conversation.

Great conversations always have someone sharing something about themselves to another. It need not be a mind blowing revelation or a deep dark secret. No, it just has to be something about themselves.

The question is, can you have fun and meaningful conversation at the same time?

And the answer is YES, because even humor is personal. We all have individual senses of humor and when we are genuinely having fun in conversation we share that with each other.

So you can know that there is no meaning in a conversation when there is nothing but shallow cold interaction, for example, when every reply is nothing more than a one or two word response.

Now the trick is to be able to make people comfortable enough around you so that they are able to engage in a meaningful, sharing conversation with you, during a first time meeting. I.e. the very first time you meet them.

5. Purpose

“Without purpose there is no sense of direction!”

I will say this, all great conversationalists have a purpose in their speech and you must to!

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Not This Kind Of An Ass:)

“Attraction Is Not A Choice”

Ever wonder why all girls love the bad boys?

You know the guys that you really can’t stand… they are arrogant, self centered, proud and completely wrong for her, BUT she’ll none the less keep at they side no matter what everyone else thinks of him!

SO have you ever wondered why this is so?…

I DEFINITELY did! And for the longest time ever the answer remained a complete and utter mystery to me. I simply decided that girls are emotionally blinded to the truth about these fellows.

But I finally did figure it out…

The secret to this illogical attraction lies behind the mindset of those fellows and the nature of the interaction they present to ladies! In simple terms, they DARE to talk to these girls like no one else does!

Like most guys, most of the lessons that I remember on how to treat a girl came from my mom. Think about it weren’t you always told to treat girls “right”, always be polite and nice and never do or say things to make a girl sad or unhappy?… Sounds familiar? Well I lived by that mindset for years but I eventually realized that, like the saying goes,

“Good Guyz Do Finish Last!”

Unlike you, the bad boys in life live by a different code, a different mindset when it come to social conversations with the opposite sex! AND the mindset is centered around one primary factor: CONFIDENCE!

Most bad boys have a certain uncommon CONFIDENCE about them! They carry themselves in a manner that shows that they are comfortable being who they are! And one thing about confidence is this… it is either contagious, or repulsive!

Now if, like most guyz, you feel repulsed by the CONFIDENT nature of the bad boys, it is probably because of the cold fact that you feel threatened in their presence!

Why?

Because you lack high self esteem and confidence! Sad but true! Truly confident and self assured people are able to be indifferent about the attitudes of other people and therefore never feel threatened in social circles!

So what is the effect of the confidence of the bad boys that attracts women?

Well, one of the results of this confidence is that the bad boys are able to challenge girls by what they say!

Let me explain…

Most interactions between a guy and a gurl is predictable from a girls point of view! It usually goes like this:

Guy nervously approaches a gurl he likes…

Guy tries to win here over by being super polite and pleasant…

Guy goes out of his way to get her attention by doing all manner of tasks for her, including treating her to meals and buying her gifts…

AND in the end, guy bores the heck out of gurl and can’t understand why!!! After all he did everything his mom told him to!

Now lets look at this interaction from the point of a bad boy!
Guy confident walks up to gurl and says something to show his immediate interest in her (it could be the corniest line ever but the confidence in his posture, tone of voice and smile is what makes it work!)…

Gurl likes the guyz confidence and engages him in conversation to test out what he has got to offer…

Guy is CORKY in speech and doesn’t shy aware from teasing the gurl or call her out on her crap…

Gurl is surprised at the fact that these guy is so damn confident to the point that he is even playfully making fun of her even though they have only known each other for no more than five minutes!…

AND in the end, gurl feel unexplained attraction for this guy she just met and guess who is definitely getting a date?…

I get the feeling that you are now seeing what confidence has to do with this whole setting… Only once you learn to OVERCOME SOCIAL SHYNESS and gain SELF CONFIDENCE will you ever be able to interact with a gurl in such a way and create such unexplained attraction!

“Attraction Is Not A Choice!”

Women like a challenge just like us men do! And if you are able to create that challenge via playfully verbal banter then attraction will be a result!

Why?

Because it is uncommon in everyday life… Few men have the know how and the CONFIDENCE to be a bit of an ass to women and still make them smile and laugh!

And this is exactly what bad boys are able to do!

Due to their nature they are able to unapologetically say certain things that most guyz wouldn’t even dream of saying because you probably think you will get slapped! So why don’t the bad boys get slapped?… because of the natural charm they have as a direct result of their confidence!

So what’s the lesson to be learned here?…

Simple! Gain the confidence to be a bit of an ass in speech and you will finally master corky humor!

“Corky humor is the only kind of social humor that creates physical attraction with women… any other kind of humor just makes you look like a clown!”

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Dont Worry! Be Happy!

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.” – Bruce Lee

Welcome Grasshopper,

Today, young one, we will explore the mystic arts of having fun when talking…

So do you ever feel like you don’t know what to say?

Or when to say that which your supposed to say?

Or how to say that which your supposed to say when the time comes to say it?

Well let me tell you a secret… there is no definite answer to any of these questions, however as you know the anxiety created by this questions is very real!

Now if there is no real answer to any of these questions then how do you hold a nice fun and flowing conversation without answering the above questions? And how do you avoid the fear and anxiety associated with the inability to hold fun and meaningful conversation?

Don’t think too much

The first set of questions I asked betrays a nervous mindset to conversation and if you are asking yourself those questions then you are probably thinking too much!

Let me explain…

Fun conversation flows from subject to subject like the ebb and flows of life itself.

A bit too philosophical?… Okay, how about this!

The simple truth of the matter is that the mindset associated with the “what’s-next to say” thinking is a nervous mindset. And this is exactly what you need to rid yourself if you want to be able to have fun when chatting with people!

How?

CONFIDENCE!

Once you overcome your shyness of conversation, once you rid yourself of all the nervous questions cycling through your brain, once you stop trying so hard to hold conversation then you will finally be able to start having fun as you talk with people!

Can Confidence do that?

Yes! Because a confident nature about yourself puts the pressure of you and those around you will realize this and react to your confidence by feeling at ease around you!

But to be perfectly honest, confidence alone won’t hold the conversation together but it definitely creates the perfect atmosphere to great conversation!

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“You never get a second chance to make a first impression”

The conventional office is setup to engage you (the visitor) with power plays that make you feel inferior and

somewhat subservient to the person behind the desk.

What I will do in this post is show you techniques that you can use to create CONFIDENCE in yourself and communicate CONFIDENCE to the interviewer.

Now where were we…

You were “getting acquainted” with the reception area as you await your interview, and finally you are called into the office!

So what do you do to make a good first impression?

And maybe even more important, what shouldn’t you do to make a bad one?

As you can imagine, the scenarios are many and trying to recreate each and every one of them will be as serious waste of both our times. So instead I will give you the top 6 things to do to make a good first impression and why they work!

SIX THINGS TO DO

1. Walk into the office with CONFIDENCE and without hesitation

What most people do is walk up to the door and if it is open we peer around the door frame and await one more confirmation to come in.

Now the question you should ask yourself is why do you do that? Why don’t you simply walk in with CONFIDENCE without waiting for another confirmation to come in?

Let me explain…

You already got your confirmation to come in when the receptionist told you to go in!

Therefore by walking in confidently, you communicate CONFIDENCE and purposeful thought to the interviewer!

“Click here if you wish to learn the right way to always walk with CONFIDENCE!”

2. Engage the interview in a positive greeting

Positive greeting at an interview are simple to achieve. Simply do these:

· Smile.

Smiling shows a warm nature.

· Shake hands.

A nice strong handshake communicates CONFIDENCE to the other person.

· During the handshake, introduce yourself and get your interview name.

Now make sure to say their name at least a couple of times within the first 15 seconds; this creates a personal connection with them and also helps you commit their name to your short term memory. Remembering their name will be important during the interview and as you end the interview.

3. Beware of where and how you sit

Common sense dictates that you need to sit upright during the interview.

Less common knowledge is the where and how of sitting.

Now during an interview you will only ever be asked to sit on two types of seats; the conventional office chair or a sofa/couch. Each seat has a where and/or how factor to it, so let’s have a look at them individually…

· The conventional office chair

The chair is almost always setup in such a way as to face the interviewer directly and this is what you must try and avoid if you wish to create a relaxed atmosphere.

Whenever two people sit facing each other directly, especially with a table or desk between them, a confrontational atmosphere is created.

What you need to do is; try and reposition your sitting arrangement in such a way that you are sitting an angle towards your interviewer. This can be achieved by either turning the chair about 20 degrees to the right or turning your body by that angle.

What that does is create a more relaxed nature to the interview and this is important so that you are able to feel comfortable and thus confident.

· Sofa/Couch

When you are asked to sit on a sofa, please don’t be naïve and please realize that this is a test. Thus don’t relax too much and sit however you like.

Some sofas swallow you up when you sit and therefore you will need to sit on the front edge of the cushion to avoid looking like you are all legs!

Also where you choose to sit is also something to consider. Sitting anywhere but in the center is interpreted negatively by your interviewer.

4. Also come prepared with at least one anecdote that reflects your work goals

We all love stories as stories take us on imaginary trips to lands and places far away.

Therefore come prepared with a couple of good stories of yourself that depict the kind of person you are and also the values and principle you stand by.

A few great quotes also make you look good!

5. Thanks go a long way

Always thank the interviewer for their time.

The words “Thank you” are words that are rarely said or heard in today’s world.

Showing appreciation for their time is a great way to end an interview.

Remember to have a genuine smile as you say your goodbyes.

6. Master the walk out

Always remember to shine the back of your shoes. Unknown to most, is that a lot of interviewers check the back of you shoes as you walk away and having them looking dirty is not a good closing message.

For the ladies, make sure to stop by the door and turn around and say goodbye once more with a smile on your face.

Why?

Because there is a very good chance that the interviewer will find themselves checking out your rear as you walk away. Therefore break their focus by turning around at the door and leave them remembering your face not your butt.

Do you also want to know what you shouldn’t do in daily social interactions? Do you want to know more about communicating CONFIDENCE in you day to day life? Want to know more about the seven topics discussed above?

Then check out: www.socialsuave.com

In the next post I’ll highlight the key power plays you that you need to look out for in an office setting!

“Are you a power player?”

“Are you playing the game to win or are you just a spectator in the game?”

You must be wondering what game I am talking about… and the answer is the game of group social interaction!

Yes! Believe it or not, every social group interaction is full of positional jousting between individuals as we try to establish ourselves as leaders among the group.

Why is this so?

Well because we all like to have our words heard by all. And which individual commands the most attention and respect in a group? THE LEADER!

The sad truth is that you are probably losing in power plays without ever knowing that you were even in the game… actually I can just about GUARANTEE that you are and by the time you are done reading this, you will begin to see why!

Let’s start by explaining what a power play is…

Power Plays are direct or indirect actions that you can make to subtlety elevate your own status in a social interaction!

Now you need to realize that power plays can be in action in just about every social encounter and being able to recognize them will give you a great advantage!

How?

For it will enable you to get into the game and hopefully learn to position yourself as a leader and then you can use social skills to control and hold an interesting conversation with anyone in the group!

NOTE: Only the leaders in social groupings command the respect of everyone in the group and thus as a leader in a social grouping you will have the choice to engage in conversation with anyone you so well please and guess what… they will listen to you and therefore be willing to converse with you.

So the questions on your mind are probably these, “So what are the power plays I need to look out for?” and “How do use them to position myself as an authority / leader in social groupings?”

Let’s first focus on the power plays you probably encounter on a daily basis!

IN THE OFFICE

Some of the most powerful power plays occur in the very offices you work in and again you probably don’t even know it.

For example, let’s break down the experience of going for a job interview…

When you go for an interview, you need to realize that the whole setup and process of is meant to make you feel SUBMISSIVE and INFERIOR.

It is definitely no coincidence that you feel INSECURE, UNEASY and, sometimes, down-right SCARED during the interview process.

Kickoff starts the moment you get into the office’s reception area!

Think about it for a second…

You get there and you are immediately asked to sit down and wait to be called in.

During the time you are seated, you will probably realize that the receptionist’s counter is quite high and thus blocks the view of the receptionist when you are seated. I.e. you can’t see the receptionist and they can’t see you, when you are seated.

Ever heard of the saying “Out of sight, Out of Mind!”… If so, then you are probably beginning to realize the reason for the high counterJ

And how does the impersonal nature of this first interaction leave you feeling?… NERVOUS? UNEASY? UNIMPORTANT? INSIGNIFICANT?… If so then the score is 1-0 to the interviewer!

But wait…

You can easily counter this power play in one of two ways:

1. Carry a laptop and once you are asked to sit and wait, get on it and busy yourself with something that will calm your mind and help you avoid the feelings of stress that your current situation is creating. I advice carrying a laptop as opposed to a book as the laptop conveys a sense of professionalism that a book does not.

If you cannot carry a laptop and decide on a book then at the very least carry a personal development book and NOT a fiction book!

The whole point of this action is to take back control of you emotions and thoughts and to focus your mind on positivity and not fear! This is invaluable as the game has only just begunJ

2. The other thing you could do is politely decline the offer to sit and simply say, with a smile, that you prefer to stand.

This is a very powerful move as it shows a decisive nature in you and also keeps you clearly within the visibility of the receptionist and this keeps you on their mind.

Now as you stand, feel free to have your feet placed comfortably apart but make sure that you are standing upright. I.e. Shoulders back and looking up. Then hold your hand behind your back in a palm-in-palm body gesture.

This body setup is common among leaders and is used by policemen patrolling the beat or even the headmaster walking around the school playground. The emotions attached to this setup are CONFIDENCE, EASE and SUPERIORITY. This is because you will be essentially exposing your heart, stomach, crotch and throat in a subconscious act of FEARLESSNESS.

You may feel free to sway your weight from foot to foot to avoid feeling rigid!

All in all, you will begin to feel CONFIDENT and even AUTHORITATIVE because the law of cause and effect that your mind and body share!

As you can see Body Language is a very important factor in overcoming fear in social interactions and can even be used to help build CONFIDENCE and overcome social shyness!

Personally I prefer the standing up route as opposed to the sitting down and busying my self option because you not only remove fear and unease, you also gain a sense of CONFIDENCE.

However because it is such a bold choice, there is a high probability that the receptionist will insist that you sit down. In such a case, it may be wise to simply sit and pull out your laptop or book to avoid any unnecessary negative confrontations:)

Next time we will talk about the power plays you will encounter once you get into the interviewer’s office….

So What Does It Take To Become A Great Conversationalist?

Believe it or not, the first step to being a great conversationalist
has nothing to do with the way you hold a conversation…

The very first step to being a great conversationalist has all to do
with you and how you feel about yourself!

Yes, I’m talking about SELF CONFIDENCE. Why else do you think that
the inability to be social is accompanied so closely with feelings
of fear?!…

The problem with a lot of social training out there is that you will
end up being taught “tips and tricks” on being social and fitting in
but these are just SHORT TERM SOLUTIONS TO A LONG TERM PROBLEM!

Kinda like trying to fix a leak on a dam by duck-taping the
crack… it may hold for a while but sooner or later you are gonna
need to do some SERIOUS REPAIRS!

Think about it…

Have you ever noticed those guyz who appear to be everyone’s friend
and appear to get along with everyone but you can see that they LIVE
FOR SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE?…

And when they encounter situations where people ends up disliking
them they take it very badly and sometimes even fall into
depression because they “friends don’t like them”!

Well guess what…

Thats because to them what other people think of them is more
important than anything else in the whole-wide world! That is the
mindset of the insecure… the thought process of those who lack
high self esteem!

A true sign of high self esteem is the ability to move on quickly
and not letting other people influence your personal opinion of
yourself or your moods… ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT!

And maybe this is the way you think… But relax as its not your
fault:)

No one ever taught you how to improve your social skills the right
way… by first taking you through the #1 and most important step:
GAINING SELF CONFIDENCE!

But you may be wondering just why that is so important… why can’t
you gain self confidence but learning to be more social and making
new friends?…

Well the answer is found by examining the benefits of gaining self
confidence first:

- SELF DEPENDENCE

You REALLY DO NOT want to become one those people who live for social
acceptance! Social acceptance will become your all and everything!
Not only becoming your source of confidence but also your purpose!

How much better is it to be CONFIDENT regardless of what others
think of you?!

Therefore gaining high self esteem from the start frees you from any
dependence that many get towards social tips and tricks!

You will be able to be a CONFIDENT guy REGARDLESS of your social status!

- NATURAL CHARM

You will attest to the fact that the natural conversationalists have
a confident charm about them that ALL PEOPLE LOVE!

Such charm can NEVER exist if you are FEARFUL, TIMID and lacking in
CONFIDENCE!

Simple, end of story, FACT!!!

And guess what… that charm has very little to do with what they say,
but instead the confident way they carry themselves and react to
everyday situations and people.

- ABILITY TO ATTEMPT AND SUCCEED

When you gain your new found confidence only then will you be able
to attempt the many social techniques that I will show you… and
attempt them BOLDLY!

Confidence will very well be the difference between successfully
implementing a technique or falling flat on your face!

- COCKY HUMOR

You cannot be cocky and humorous if you are not confident at the
time you attempt cocky humor… You’ll probably end up being cocky
and not very humorous or just humorous like a clown!

Cocky humor is an IMPORTANT ELEMENT to the charm of a great
conversationalist and it can NEVER be performed properly without
CONFIDENCE!

Why is that?

Well simply because it requires you to be a bit of a playful ass and
yet be unapologetic about what you say… even though it may
sometimes be bold and outrageous:D

Trust me… sometimes you may say the wrong thing at the wrong time
or just say something that is straight up “corny” but the fact
that you have a genuinely pleasant and playful confidence about you,
will make you appear humorous and charming in the eyes of a gurl:D

- LOVE

Until you learn to love yourself, you can never expect to truly love
others nor truly be loved…

Even the Bible say, “LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF!”

Now Read that again and notice something “… AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF!”
so how can you love your neighbor if you love not yourself?

HIGH SELF ESTEEM and SELF RESPECT equates to self LOVE. And once you
truly love yourself you will be able to truly love and respect
others… as you will treat others as you expect to be treated!

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